As someone in my life has gone, I've started to look for things to get sad about.. i mean, to treasure. Too bad, all the memories I had weren't concrete, as they are memories from my childhood. Too bad my adult self drifted away far and farther as I age. At the end, the only concrete memories I had was only answering to her random questions like "Kerja mana?" "Dah habis belajar ke belum?". I never really wanted to talk to her, or trying to find something to talk about.
But I realized that to someone that were totally there for me when I was a child, I shouldn't grow up just to be some awkward niece that never really had a conversation with. I regret that, very badly.
I have that blunt memories of her bringing me along everywhere "Nana nak ikut?" and I can still see me standing on her maroon scooter I can still feel my hair flying and constantly hitting my face enjoying every scooter ride with her. Too bad, the memories are just limited to that point, I can't remember anything else further.
But I remember that one time on my cousin's wedding, she offered me her leftover ayam ungkep in her kitchen carbinet that probably the night before the wedding. And I asked for more, and she let me eat everything left. And since that I am very into ayam ungkep, until today, yes exactly at last 1AM 8th November, I really made one as usual.
I always made ayam ungkep, and even rename it to "Ayam Bodoh" because my mum re-made the recipe to be very simple and easy to cook. And it has always been my favorite food whenever I get back home, and I always cook it because I simply love it. Until last night, when I made one for today's lunch. I suddenly remember that this dish is coming from her. I have forgotten the first time I ate this thing all these while.
I hate that I have to react to the situations with regrets. I mean, we don't even have a picture together. Why do I have to be this sad? Because she was a big part of my childhood. I just don't remember the memories, but I know she is big to me. The bright side of it, I at least know that, I should have appreciate people better because the time is tickling.
Latifah Binti Yasir
29 mei 1961 - 4 Nov 2018